The Piss and The Hiss

In the monsoon of 2010, I was returning from my office which is situated in Okhla, Delhi. On the way to my home I took a bus a named No. 8 Noida Phase 2, from Badarpur to Noida Sec-37. When the bus starts and run a few meters I realize that I need to go for pee. But by that time I had purchased the ticket. I could not leave the bus, actually I did not wanted to waste those 15 rupees I spent on the ticket. C’mon nobody wants to afford peeing worth Rs. 15. So I kept my situation low and quite. As bus ran fast, my face starts getting red because of the pressure I was feeling inside. Any journey has never been so long to me… I thought that my bladder will burst today.

I had used that road so many times but never thought that it has so many potholes, I cursed the Mayawati and Sheila Dixit Government. I thought somebody is trying to play with me because… every time when bus bumped in the pothole the pressure increases 1 bar or something. Everyone on that bus seems enjoying the ride. It happens to so many times that when you don't want something only that will happen to you... I was not in a state of talking to anyone and suddenly a guy asked ‘What time it is’?... I don't know why he did that... I was not even wearing any watch... I was immovable; I look at him and said “Not interested ”. He didn’t ask again. May be he understands my situation or may be because of my rudeness. Anyways who cares for him? I put my bag on my thighs and start pressing it. I was trying to do every possible way to get the control over my senses and bladder. I wanted to jump off the bus but didn't. I wanted to get rid of that pressure but couldn't.

When bus was about to reach my destination, it stuck in a traffic jam and the bus starts crawling like earthworm. I thought, may be god is trying to check my patience, so I kept the calm on my face and get hold of what was going out of my control. After 10 more minutes when bus was still about 1 km from the place I wanted to get off the bus, I decided that I will walk up to that distance and get off the bus.

I hate the people who piss on the walls, but that day… I could not hate myself. I was in the rush to piss somewhere, anywhere…So that I can save my innocent bladder. So I got down from the foot path and enter in the bushes that was grown enough to hide me up to my waist and on other side there was a wall of Botanical garden. I unzip my jeans and just in a second there was a sudden change in expressions on my face. I was feeling so relaxed. I wanted to piss all over the city that time. I wanted to tell the God that yes I can control it. “Challenge Completed”. I was enjoying I the sound of my whistle, mixed with the sound of pee falling on wall. Suddenly I felt something crawling on my right feet. I ignored that and again lost in the music of nature. In just another five seconds I felt the same crawling on my left feet too. I was too happy pissing I did not give it any benefit of doubt again. When I was in the midway of my job a bike came and passed me. So I thought to look on what was on my feet and when I looked down I got goose bumps all over my body. That was the snake which has just crawled over my feet. I was so damn scared but could not stop what I was doing. I end up pissing as soon as I could and ran from there, did not even zip my jeans and kept running. On my way back to home I kept thinking if I had moved even an inch when that snake was crawling on my feet it could have bitten me.


But I was lucky and was safe. When I reached home I told the whole story to my family and they all had a huge laugh. And for the next two days I was down with the fever. I was too scared of peeing … That I didn’t go to pee alone for some days even in my own home.
So the moral of the story is:


“Think of your bladders before you board a bus and never pee on walls or on road sides better use public rest rooms”


P.S.: This story is a piece of fiction. Every character (me and snake) are just characters and used for telling the story.
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