This is a story i wrote sometime back. You may find this very strange piece of work, some may feel this is incomplete... but i left that part on my readers... what they interpret with this... so everybody gonna be happy..
Story goes as follows:
On the dance floor, in the night club.
Monika was alone along with a herd of humans. Dancing humans.
She came there with her best friend who thinks “I care for her, the most.”…"But Monika was heartbroken; her friend does not know this and is enjoying the fumes of cigarette smoke…”
A guy wearing a black blazer and blue jeans was watching her…since she came in… She noticed that, but could not process the signals.
He came over to dance floor and moves closer to her step by step
…
Raz: “Shall we?”
Monika: “Ummm… I don’t know…”
Raz: “C’mon girl… I won’t hurt you…”
She gave her hand… he holds it softly… and put another on her back…
DJ changed the song and both start flowing with the music.
“I am Raz…”
She did not respond.
“You dance well.”
No response.
“I want to see you naked…”
She loosens herself... from his arms.
He does not stop her.
She comes down from dance floor to get the drinks.
He came up and asks “I am sorry, I should not have said that.”
No response.
And both walked out of the night club...
Story goes as follows:
On the dance floor, in the night club.
Monika was alone along with a herd of humans. Dancing humans.
She came there with her best friend who thinks “I care for her, the most.”…"But Monika was heartbroken; her friend does not know this and is enjoying the fumes of cigarette smoke…”
A guy wearing a black blazer and blue jeans was watching her…since she came in… She noticed that, but could not process the signals.
He came over to dance floor and moves closer to her step by step …
Raz: “Shall we?”
Monika: “Ummm… I don’t know…”
Raz: “C’mon girl… I won’t hurt you…”
She gave her hand… he holds it softly… and put another on her back…
DJ changed the song and both start flowing with the music.
“I am Raz…”
She did not respond.
“You dance well.”
No response.
“I want to see you naked…”
She loosens herself... from his arms.
He does not stop her.
She comes down from dance floor to get the drinks.
He came up and asks “I am sorry, I should not have said that.”
No response.
And both walked out of the night club...
P.S. : so what happen next??
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The story is interesting and the language is a little strange, can be worked on but I feel that this language itself gives the story this look that it needs. And so what happens next?
ReplyDeleteI can only guess that both of them stayed out the entire night, like going from one place to another just for the heck of it and got to know each other better.
Hi dhruv!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the review.
Yeah the language is too strange but that's the way i like to write. A bit strange and mysterious. Don't like to disclose and describe too many things.
It's a pleasure you like this and i like your comment "I feel that this language itself gives the story this look that it needs."
Yeah this strange language make it different.
And about what happen in the end, I left that on my readers to conclude. This thing make readers happy, they can use their imagination and fantasies here.LOL.
:)
Thanks buudy!
P.S. I am waiting for you book.
well I like stories which are left for interpretations...its like now I have to complete the story from my own imagination...but still I expected some unexpected thing from girl..this was very normal for girl not to reply.
ReplyDelete